WELCOME!!!
These are our group’s agreements. By that, we don’t mean that the group has to follow these specific agreements, but rather that the agreements are our attempt to describe the community expectations, as expressed by the group itself. Thus, all agreements are subject to change should the group be better served with other agreements.
That said, these agreements are the current agreements for the group, and attendees are expected to engage with the group in a way that fits these agreements, until we adopt different agreements.
1. Your Name
Please join using the name and pronouns you would like us to use as your “name” in Zoom. I.E. someone might join as “Sue (she/hers)” while someone else might join as “Mo (they/them)”. It is okay (and even encouraged) to try out names and pronouns in the relative safe space of the group. If you want to try out the name “John” this week and the name “Jane” next week, we’re excited that you feel safe enough to do this, and will respect these choices. If you do not have pronouns or use multiple sets or pronouns, feel free to use alternate tags like (any pronouns), or (she/they/zie). If you prefer your name be used as your pronouns, your tag would be “Name (name/name’s)”
2. Confidentiality
Members of the group will not share information from the group in any way that can identify another group member. Please also be aware of your surroundings, to ensure others (including children) cannot overhear or see the meeting (as well as making sure anything you have in your video frame is stuff you’re comfortable being seen by others). Unless someone has explicitly given you permission, act like you don’t know them outside of the group if you see them. While the facilitators will enforce this rule as necessary, we also cannot guarantee that nobody will breach our confidentiality (if someone does breach confidentiality, depending on the severity, they may be asked to leave the group permanently)
3. Expression
Please express who you are when you attend this group! While we ask for you to dress in a way that doesn’t expose body parts normally covered in public, we encourage you to express your gender! It isn’t required that your expression match other people’s idea of what someone with your pronouns might look like. You are welcome to dress in ways that make you comfortable! You are also welcome to express autistic traits, such as stims, rocking, etc.
4. Diversity
Even in a community where people seem very similar to each other, people may have different life experiences. Some people may have different views of autism or their trans identity. Please respect that one gender identity is not superior to another. In addition, we may differ in all the other ways humanity differs–we may have different religious views, political views, education, class membership, races, and other attributes. Please take care to be cautious of how your words and reactions will be felt by the other person.
4.5. Anti-Racism / Inclusive Welcoming
We, as a group want to be anti-racist and otherwise welcoming to all (in areas that include race, disability, ethnicity, class, religion, gender, orientation, nationality, etc) and willing to grow, as we recognize multiple systems of oppression.
This means we understand that we will sometimes be challenged to grow, and that it is about impact, not just intention. We want this to be a brave space, where we can make mistakes and where we can learn from these mistakes.
To help with this, facilitators will try to speak up when biased behavior occurs. Group members should also speak up if facilitators don’t speak up and/or notice, or if facilitators are the ones who can grow. Please “call-in” group members if you do this, rather than “call-out” group members, to encourage growth.
5. Respect
We will be respectful of each other and each person’s diversity.
6. Communication
We may communicate via many different ways, including non-speaking methods. The facilitators will be making an effort to ensure that everyone has a chance to speak. This may mean that some people are asked to wait to give a comment while other people who speak less during the group get a chance to provide their perspective to the group, so that everyone is heard from during the group. We value what you have to say, but ask that you cooperate with the format of the group to allow everyone to communicate.
6.5. Communication on Zoom
If you have a hard time figuring out how to enter conversation, Zoom has a “raise hands” feature. It is located in different places on different platforms but usually it is in the reactions menu. As soon as a moderator sees a raised hand, they will jump in after the current speaker and make space for you to speak. Please do not interrupt people who are talking, but ensure they are done talking first – in particular, we ask people to count to 3 (silently!) to give time for the moderators to point out a raised hand before you speak (you of course can raise your hand too and we’ll call on you). We may also ask everyone to take turns speaking by raising hands first, if the group gets particularly lively/chaotic.
6.6. Non-Speech Communication
Facilitators will read chat in the online chat between speakers, to ensure everyone gets a chance to participate whether they speak or not. If you see chat messages pop up, please wait to jump in to respond to someone else until the chat messages are read. The reason is that the chat messages can become very confusing if removed from the context of when they were placed in chat – and because they are already written, they can’t be quickly changed like someone who has to wait a little longer to speak with speech might be able to change their phrasing to provide the context. If you have a comment that wouldn’t be of value to everyone being read, please place it in square brackets [like this] but try not to do that too much since it disadvantages people who can’t read the chat and listen to people talking at the same time.
6.7. Stim / Transition Time
As we are an autistic group, built on autistic norms, it is fine to “stim” at any time in the meeting (for instance, rocking, flapping hands, utilizing fidgets, etc), we also want to reserve specific time for this.
During topic transitions, particularly transitions away from a very serious or difficult topic, the facilitators will give the group 30-60 seconds of time without any topic or facilitated discussion, to allow people to stim or otherwise do what is necessary for a transition. Should you need this, and a facilitator not offer it, feel free to ask the facilitator if we could have some stim time to ease the transition.
7. We are Not Perfect!
Nobody in the group, including the facilitators, is perfect. If someone does something that is hurtful, consider whether that they may not realize that their actions are a problem. If you believe someone is intentionally hurting you, please talk to a facilitator, but if you believe it’s accidental, please try to be considerate of the other person.
8. Adult Topics
This group will, by nature of talking about being trans autistic adults, sometimes talk about adult topics. We recognize that many different views of these topics, as well as comfort around them, exist, and ask people to avoid excessive graphic descriptions and crude terminology when discussing sexuality. That said, topics around sexuality and your body are valid for this group, but should generally be generalized, particularly when they involve people not in the group. When in doubt about what is too graphic, aim to keep things no more explicit than a PG rating.
9. Illegal Acts
Please do not discuss the specifics of illegal activities in this group. While it is fine to, as part of a topic, talk about things like sex worker rights or drug laws, please do not use this group to seek illegal drugs, talk about behavior that could incriminate yourself, or otherwise cause legal liability for the group.
10. Dating / Private Social Interactions
This group is not a hook-up group. While talk about dating is on-topic, asking people to go out with you, have sex with you, or otherwise have romantic or sexual relationships with you is not allowed within the group. If you want to type in chat directly to another person and you do not already have history with that person, send them one private message asking if you can chat with them. If they say no or give no response, do not pursue private conversation further with them. The moderators are, of course, excluded from this policy and you may contact a moderator any time you have a need or question that you don’t feel comfortable expressing in front of everyone.
11. Advice Giving
If someone talks about their situation, please don’t give advice unless someone (and you are welcome to be that someone!) asks if they want advice. If they’ve indicated they want advice, then feel free to give some, but sometimes people may just want to vent during the group.
12. Accommodations
If you have disability-related accommodation needs that we aren’t meeting, please contact one of the facilitators. We will try to accommodate your needs.